Sometimes we judge ourselves pretty harshly. We criticize, berate, and even disparage ourselves, treating ourselves far worse than we’d ever treat other people.
The problem is that if we beat ourselves up too much it can make us a whole lot less positive, and we can start to wear ourselves out with all of that negativity.
Please check out Carol’s honest and beautiful journey to live a more positive life and find out…She Is Enough!
I’m too Sexy Fat for….
Like most people who have struggled with their weight – MY closet is filled with clothes I can wear, clothes I used to wear, and clothes I hope to wear when I lose the weight.
Social media is inundated with positive affirmations on how we should love ourselves and everyone around us. We are taught tolerance and yet experience bullying in different forms through what I like to coin “silent bullying”—ageism, fatism (as I call it) and different ways on how we view ourselves and how others see us.
Even though we may have a strong personality and positive sense of self, we all look in the mirror, both men and women, and we nitpick at all our own flaws. A big one for men is looking at their thinning hair, so the style of the shaved head has become common place.
We look at our crows feet, double chin, laugh lines, boobs—too big or too small—our thighs, butts, and everything in between. Parts of our bodies have become our nemesis. In the age of #firstworldproblems even fit individuals look at themselves with some distain silently criticizing themselves on how to look and feel better.
Do your insecurities stop you from doing the things you want to do because of a secret fear of how others will view you?
Do you fear rejection?
Do you stop doing physical activities or extreme adventures for fear of how you look?
Do you take pictures of others and hate pictures of yourself so you aren’t in any?
Do you crop your pictures to only show your face?
We have ALL been culprits of this.
Are you self-conscious when you engage in sexual relations for fear of what your body looks and feels like? Are you thinking that your body doesn’t measure up, and all of those “parts” aren’t the way they use to look, feel and move? Are you focused on your body parts as gravity has hit and things aren’t all in the same place anymore? Have you put on weight and now there is a jiggle, where jiggle shouldn’t be? Are you not enjoying sex in the way you should be, because of your thoughts interfering?
In the years of 30’s and mid 40’s totally consumed with having children, working, family and the long drives in the car to and from the children’s sports activities, not only did my metabolism abandon me – I ABANDONED ME!
My yo-yo dieting during that time didn’t help. Finally, after losing quite a bit of weight and achieving a new found confidence in my early 40’s, I felt I could conquer the world!
By my mid-40’s, I was separated from a long term marriage and found myself with a fresh exuberance and a sense of freedom with this curvy thin(ish) body ready to “get out there” to see what I have missed.
The euphoria of singledom wore off to the reality of going through a divorce, bills, lawyer bills, and trying to find a job with battling the silent ageism bully as each prospective employer shut the door in my face. In addition to being unemployable, (I was told by some off the record, of course, because of my age and experience), my weight skyrocketed. With each passing year the yo-yo was in full swing doing loop de loops—not in my favor.
Aging, slower metabolism, stress—we all at one time or another have or will experience it.
Although I am not an expert in health and fitness, I am an expert in the yo-yo diet. I have pictures in different stages of weight gain and weight loss. However, I will not allow myself to be defined by my weight. But hold on…am I actually being judged by the outside world or is it Me doing it to myself?
Can any of you relate?
The myth in society is that if you are fat, you have no control. NOT TRUE. Let’s face it…shit happens in life. You can’t go through life without any chaos. There are posts saying that “you never know what battles people are fighting.” Right, you do not! We are told not to judge others and show love everyone around you.
We all age differently, and yes, many of us have to also keep fighting the weight battle because we are in the mode of controlling other aspects of our lives. Many of us have experienced feelings of despair due to losing a loved one, money, relationship, health issues, and other stressors that have consumed us at one time or another. At these times, we sometimes “let ourselves go.” Divorce, family, children, work, health and monetary issues, for example, certainly take their toll on us. It is how we react, how resourceful we are, and how quickly we recover from these factors that determine our successful outcome. That is character! That is control! That is positive self-talk. The outcome of overcoming these major life challenges is that we neglect the one person we shouldn’t: ourselves.
I truly believe that attitude is everything. I never consider anything a “failure.” It is another way to re-adjust and look at things from a different perspective to see how I can move forward: how many times I can get up and how resilient I can be.
We are all on our own personal journeys. Do not be a “victim” of ageism or fatism, especially from your own self. STOP focusing on what is wrong with yourself and look more into what is right. We all need to make changes in some form or another. That is called personal growth. Realize that you are a work in progress. Always look ahead, move forward, and never look back because we do not want to go there.
Often, we are so caught up in our lives, and the opinions of others, that we “do a number” on ourselves. I have, like most of you, “been there, done that” and have tried every single diet imaginable. Shakes, Shots, Pills, Drops, Cleanses, Carbs, No Carbs, Wraps, Clean Eating, Machines that “melt fat”, looking for the “MAGIC SOLUTION”. We do this, myself included, because we feel desperate, frustrated, sometimes depressed, angry with ourselves, stressed and constant negative self talk.
We are searching for the permanent solution. What I realized is, it’s not what you eat, it’s what your MINDSET is. To identify what is holding you back. How we think and feel about ourselves and the world around us, actually determines the outcome of consistent and permanent change.
Change Starts and Ends with YOU! You CAN and WILL overcome! Mindset and Belief are the components of long term transformation.
YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY, BEAUTIFUL, LOVED, AND YES, ABOVE ALL YOU ARE ENOUGH. Say this to yourself, all the time, every day. I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT, I AM LOVED, AND I AM ENOUGH. When you start to believe this, embrace it, you not only will be able to accept the compliment, you will revel in it!
Most importantly, realize that you are a Work In Progress, YOU CAN ACHIEVE WHAT YOU BELIEVE and YOU ARE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!
Author of ‘Life In Pieces From Chaos to Clarity.’
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